Jiffy pop corn, and I don't care.........

Saturday night...Okay, so who remembers Jiffy Pop popcorn? You remember. Comes in the round package with the wire handle and you put it on the stove and pop it until the aluminum foil expands. Right? Yeah, you remember...that was a long time ago, and they don't even make it no more you're saying to yourself? Same as I thought until I saw it in the store the other day. So the nostalgia within me says, I'll get one for old times sake, hook it up with a movie, should be good times. I mean come on, it actually says on the package, just as fun making it, as it is eating it. Well if they mean by that, clear your schedule for most of the day so you can make the damn popcorn AND consult your doctor before engaging in a new workout regimen, then I guess it is a good time. How did the hell did we ever survive on Jiffy Pop before microwave popcorn? IT TAKES FOREVER TO MAKE!!!!...you gotta put it on the stove and wait to you hear the sizzling, then when you hear the sizzle, shake it, right?!. Three to five minutes right?! Okay, so I turn on the flame, and put it on the stove...one minute...three minutes...five minutes.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................WHERE THE HELL IS THE DAMN SIZZLE?! Holdup, maybe I didn't turn on the stove, let me check under it. No, it's on. I see the flame. Well maybe my gas flame isn't hot this time. Let me stick my finger in it. No it's hot. Okay maybe it just needs more time. I'll just let it sit here while I go to the emergency room for my third degree burn. So after about five hours in the emergency room, as you might imagine, I'm a little hungry, so I stop by 7-11 to grab some Gatorade and a bag of popcorn. When I come home, I can't understand this sizzling I'm hearing. Then I remember - MY JIFFY POP!! So I run to the kitchen, and shake it, shake it, shake it like a polaroid picture... about this time, my roomies are dressed, and are leaving the house for Sunday service, while I'm standing over this damn popcorn working out like it's Taebo, step aerobics, yoga booty ballet, weight training, some damn thing. I'm switching off on arms, taking in a lot of oxygen, breathing hard and shit... I been shaking this thing forever, and quite frankly, my roomies are back from church, ready to eat popcorn, wondering when to start the damn movie!!! Finally, finally, the popcorn starts popping, and the foil starts expanding. When I'm done, my roomies ask if I'm gonna watch the movie and eat popcorn w/ them. No, I'ma go chill in the sauna, and then take a nap afterwards, just like people do after a workout! What the hell is wrong with y'all?!! I must admit, my arms are strong now though. I can slap the shit out of a building, and tree trunks. Slapping a woman is attempted murder... I do think Jiffy Pop needs to change its angle though. Popcorn is too hard. Maybe they should just market the wire handle so you can use it to jimmy open your car door when you get locked out. When you're done, just give the kids the seeds to use in a pellet gun to shoot at people while you're driving by other cars in celebration of breaking into your own car... this has been Chris Reese, stabbing out...