Excuse me while I stab your ass!!!

Bad habits. We all have them - whether they range from minor, not much of a bother to anyone, to annoying, irritating, lazy, disgusting, shocking or just plain unbelievable. No one is exempt. I myself, have the habit of whenever I get tired, however I may fall asleep, is however I may fall asleep. It may be on the bed, it may be on the floor (more often than not, it's my bed). I might fall asleep wearing bed clothes, or I just may knock off while I'm still wearing regular clothes. Hell, there have been times when I just tried to make it through the front door of my house when I was tired, but I guess I found sleeping under the security of a seatbelt, a refreshing change of pace from sleeping under the security of warm covers. Now that's LAZY!! But when I'm sleepy, whatever goes, GOES!!! I guess I may also have a subconcious penchant for belching, without regard to who may be in vicinity of me doing it, who may be offended. I don't think it's necessarily the quick, short belch, which can easily sneak up on anyone like a two hour ago meal from Taco Bell, that offends. And I wouldn't exactly go so far as to say that I'm like the character in Moe's Tavern on The Simpsons that relishes in the fact that his belching can be measured on the richter scale. Alas for me, there is a happy medium in offensive belching. Still, I don't think I have any habits that would make anyone want to get out their scalpal and stab me seventy eight times, like someone on trial for murder in the first, without pre-meditation. Yes, we all know people with certain traits, that when we see them perform certain habits, you feel like just pulling out your scalpal, and stabbing the hell out their ass, repeatedly, until they are dead. Example you ask? Let's take for instance my boy. I love him like another brother, but i can not STAND to hear him eat. And let me just say, that EAT is an understatement. It's more like ravage... attack... barbaricly chew and digest. Like, WTF? Where the hell YOU learn to eat? A pack of rabid wolves? Animals on Wild Kingdom w/ Lorne Green? And on top of that, the SMACKINGGGGGGG!! I CAN NOT STAND SOMEONE THAT SMACKS THEIR DAMN FOOD!! People that smack their food, will usually smack ANYTHING! Food- smack! Water-smack, smack!! Oxygen-smack, smack, smack!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT NO MORE!! WHERE'S MY SCALPAL?!! I *STAB* WILL NOT *STAB* ENDURE *STAB* THIS *STAB* ANY *STAB* LONGER *STAB STAB* !! I'd stab you in your neck, but if I got to close to your mouth, you'd probably find a way to smack on that too!!...So let's rewind to March 1...your's truly is taking a written test, for a job. Just like the SAT, I'm in a room taking it with other people. Everyone in the room is placed at a table with another person. Of course, I have to be seated next the grown ass man who hasn't discovered yet, the ability to read quietly to himself. I gotta sit near one of those types of people that does that out loud "whisper reading." AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! WHERE IS MY SCALPAL?!! I CAN'T TAKE IT NO MORE!!! (flashback - remember the scene in PeeWee's Big Adventure when PeeWee jumps off the moving train to escape the singing bum? Well, this is like me riding on a train, with a bum, whisper reading his singing!!) A grown ass man, whisper reading? I'll tell you what. Why don't you make it easy for all of us? Why don't you just read out loud to everyone in the room, and when you're finished, hold up your test book, and show everybody the picture in it, by moving it side to side, so everyone can see it - like they did in pre-school. There are annoyances we should just be able to legally attack, until we stab them out of existence. The grown ass adult that sucks their thumb still. Nurse, scalpal!! The person that sucks their teeth-EVERY TEN SECONDS!! Nurse, the dullest scalpal you have, PLEASEEEEE!! The man sitting directly in front, or behind you in the movie theater, so called whispering to his girl throughout the WHOLE DAMN MOVIE!!... Hmmm, that nigga's kinda buff!...well, I'ma let him be this time. But I bed not catch nobody else talking in this movie, 'cause i don't want dude sitting behind me being distracted from saying what he got to say to his girlfriend, AND THAT'S ALL I'MA SAY!!!....