Life Goes On!!

So here it is, to the day, exactly one month since my father took leave from us (me, mom, family, friends, the world in general) to go on another journey. It's has not been an easy month, to say the least - without a doubt, one of the worst times of my life. I am taking this opportunity, actually, forcing myself while I have this free time, to sit down and write. Sometimes, one of the hardest things to do in the world when you know you've got something inside of you that needs to released, is to face a blank piece of paper - no matter a comedian, screenwriter, rapper, poet, songwriter, author - or even a son that must find his own way to grieve for his father. I guess this is my way. While facing a blank piece of paper can be one of the hardest things in the world, for anyone in this position, one of the best things to do is, to face a blank piece of paper. Kind of deep if you really think about it. They say people in my position run the gammut of emotions from unacceptance, to sadness,to anger, etc. etc. As for me, I guess the best way for me to explain how I feel is mostly just weird. A kind of weird that arises from feeling empty, and from that feeling empty, not really knowing how else to feel. Because of that "emptiness" feeling, I do realize that I have been shaken in a couple ways - in the ability to pray right now, and the intention to write, and perform. Forcing myself to sit down and write, to write about anything, is my way of jumping back in the saddle for the latter I guess. As for the aforementioned, let's just say, faith shaken, not broken. I am sure I will get back to the place I was before. Time eclipses human emotion as countless people have been reminding me at this time. I almost feel that what God wants me to take from this, is a lesson in humility. So here it is. I've pretty much for the last month, by my own accord, have temporarily withdrawn from the world, and now it is time for me to reconnect - again by my own accord. It is time for me to return, and going back to work, whatever work is to any particular individual, is part of getting back and returning. This Friday is my first day back to work since... Not necessarily looking forward to doing that. But that has nothing to do with any kind of grief. Most days, before this situation, I wasn't looking forward to going to work anyway :-) But I'm sure that there are a lot of people that abide in the way I feel. Who's wit me?...Anyway, this past Sunday, I went out apartment shopping with a friend and fellow colleague. We're trying to find an apartment together and roommate. Dave just happens to be a white guy of Jewish faith. Not to say that all Jewish people have money, because all Jewish people don't have money. To make a broad, sweeping statement like that, is like saying that all black people are athletically inclined. I'm living proof to discredit that statement. But I just happen to decide to roommate with the one Jewish guy that's actually broker than ME! It can be cool though to have white friends, but it's also funny to have white friends ESPECIALLY if you're black. It's just interesting to see how some can think impractically, DESPITE sub-par means. I guess some things are just EXPECTED when you're white. He's a cool dude though. Let's just say we happened on to something more within our financial feasibility. Wish us the best of luck. I can only hope that keffa luva's credit will carry us to the promised land - if not, I may just be able to pull REALLY ORIGINAL material from this. Also, I got a phone call yesterday for a job. Not just another job. A real career want. Actually, it is not yet a job offer, but rather an audition. An audition to act in Kaiser Permanente's Theater Program. Perform shows for kids, and for the benefit of the community, and get paid for it like a regular job. Let me say that again. Perform, AND get paid for it?! No, I don't need any more details, just tell me where to sign! Get me this job, and I'll name my first born, first, middle, last, Kaiser Theater Program! This could be a possible career jolt. At the very least, a NICE line entry on my resume. Needless to say, I want to nail this audition. I don't care who I have to embody, Denzel, Bobby D, Pacino-hell Jamie Foxx as a blind man! We'll see how it goes. I can only think, or hope to think, that these two things are a small indication that my father is indeed watching out over me. I know regardless of what happens with the two, he is watching over me anyway. But I wouldn't think twice about giving back both opportunities, and a couple more, for one last conversation with my father.