Does this mean I'm going to hell?

Is it just me, or am I the only one laughing at the Volkswagen commercials where the people are getting blindsided by cars coming out of nowhere? Damn, they getting fuuucked up! Walk outside and MY car be pushed in!!

HE'S A F***ING GINNEY!!!!

Once again, welcome to another edition of "The Life of Chris Reese: Laughter for the Gods." In our last episode, our hero had come into great danger, having his superpower of sensibility stripped, leaving him mindless, defenseless, and vulnerable to the malicious and coldhearted intentions of a golddigging hoe. As you may recall, this nearly catatonic state was brought upon our hero when, in apartment searching, his future roommate made mind blowing statements on the apartments they had seen, placing them both further into dire circumstances. Most notable of the comments made, was that a particular apartment was "luminescent insufficient." This statement of gay tendency should have garnered a bitch slap to the roommate by our hero on GP, but this action was granted temporary clemency - possibly due to the fact that this bad chess move would have made the smart pairing with a Jewish boy with good credit, null and void. But as our story continues,.. (DUN DUN DUN DUUUNNNNNNN)..." WE INTERRUPT THIS BROADCAST TO BRING YOU BREAKING INFORMATION INTO THE LIFE OF CHRISTOPHER MALCOLM REESE. WE UNDERSTAND THAT CHRIS REESE IS SPEAKING LIVE RIGHT NOW TO HIS AUDIENCE FROM HIS HOME SOMEWHERE IN CALIFORNIA, AND WE'RE JUST GOING TO SHIFT OUR FOCUS NOW AND TUNE INTO THIS LIVE SPEAKING ENGAGEMENT. SO LET'S LISTEN IN AS WE GO NOW, CHRIS REESE ADDRESSING HIS AUDIENCE...."....I was almost at that point where I wanted to say, "man, the hell with you Jew boy! Ain't no credit score worth all this!" Na, mean? I mean, we cool, and that's my boy and all but damn, we just trying to find an apartment. We not trying to eat this apartment, it ain't going in our stomach! We trying to sleep IN the apartment, not WITH the damn apartment! I mean you being all picky like you on the show "The Third Wheel". and you seriously trying to find a wife or something - too big, too small, bad vibes, not bright, doesn't glow. You gotta be kidding me! and, AAAAAAND, I almost lost it, when we found this tight ass place, I mean TIGHT 2 BD, 2 BA, spacious, balcony (even though it was on the ground) - and DIDN'T take it...and why didn't we take this place?! Because the place won't, under any circumstances, accept pets of any kind - and my roommate must, MUST, gotta have a guinea pig! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! WE 'BOUT TO LOSE THIS 2BD 2BA SPACIOUS ASS PLACE W/BALCONY EVEN THOUGH IT'S ON THE GROUND, BECAUSE OF A FUCKIN' GUINEA?!!!! SHHHH! HM! UH HM..yeah, okay, see what you betta do is, you betta just sneak the damn guinea in here, and don't say shit to nobody! - on some black shit for real now! Your insistence is causing a most unfortunate problem, and I SWEAR FO GOD, if we lose this place because of a guinea pig, WHATEVER we find, whenever i'm alone with the animal, I'M GONNA JACK UP YOUR GUINEA ON SOME GUINESS! WATCH HIM GET STOUT OFF THE STOUT FOR REAL, AND CROAK FROM THE B.A.C.!!! See if I'm playing! A damn guinea! Are you kidding me?!...however, we were able to finally come together and find a place, with barely anytime to spare, to say the least. And this whole process has been a pain in the ass, to say the least. It's hard enough trying to find a place in California, but to get two different people together with two different views? It's a miracle that we found something. I'm just happy that there were only two of us instead of three of four. I shudder to think where and what kind of condition I would be living in, if I had another roommate or two that was a budhist or a bushman from Australia. Now just make sure keep the cage for your guinea pig locked, roomie. Wouldn't want it to escape and have me ACCIDENTALLY mistake it for overgrown vermin potentially carrying the Hunta virus! :-) ...and where did we finally move to, you might ask? It's a cool little 2BD 1 BA in........."and as we return, what appears to be a statement by Chris Reese on some of the bullshit he has to put up with in order to make it in show business in California. Stay tuned as we'll have more up to the minute information on this, and other events in the life of Chris Reese. Right now, we're going to return to our regularly sheduled program already in progress.".....

How'm I doing?!!!!

First, I would like to take this opportunity, for me and my mom, to thank all persons who gave love, support, and prayers to us in our time of sorrow. I can't mention everyone by name, but you know who you are. As for myself, I'm not one much for talking to people about what's going on inside of me - guess i get that from my father. If I pen it here, then that's about as much talking about it that I plan to do. Second, today is Mother's Day, so to ANY mother out there that comes across this journal entry, sincere wishes for a Happy Mother's Day! Hope you had/are having a wonderful day. A mother, especially one who is still raising children, truly has a 24/7/365 job. I'm still not at that point where if I had kids, I wouldn't feel that the kids wouldn't be holding me back. And since I don't have money enough like rich white people to hire Consuela to be a nanny to my kids just yet, I'm still in a holding pattern on that one. So my hats off to all parents in general doing their job. Hey, I love your kids. But when they start crying or acting bad, I love them more when I can send them back to their parents. HAAAA!!..Anyway, like I said before, I'm looking for a job, as well as new place. I'm trying feverishly to get this done. It's almost as if there's some internal cleansing, fresh start that I must put in place, after all that's happened. Have not found an apartment yet, though I think the problem with that is that I chose to pick a Jewish white boy to roommate with. I don't know too much about the Jewish culture, but I do know that supposedly, some Jewish moms tend to be overbearing. I think that somehow translates into sons of Jewish mothers being extremely spoiled and picky. I'm a man. If I find something I like, I buy it, holla at it, or move on it. Nextel-done! So why do I feel, that this process of finding an apartment that we'll both like is going to take forever? Or at least, go down to the wire, where we'll run out of time, and have to accept a two compartmental card board box by Venice Beach for 2500 dollars a month. Why?! I'll tell you why! Because THIS place is five blocks too north of your target living area! Or THAT place wants the deposit in a money order instead of a check (btw, if i can't pay by online, i'm the money order king!) Or this place DOESN'T GET ENOUGH LIGHT??! WTF???! Son, I don't plan on getting attacked by vampires in the middle of the night!!! But if Kate Beckinsale knocks on the door, craving to suck on something with little bit more of a chocolate flavor, let her in! I got something for her! Work with me people! O well, the search continues. At least I got some potential material from my future roommate, watching him spew his guts out from being hungover on his birthday, while we were apartment searching last weekend. Too funny! Not funny BEING hungover. Funny watching OTHERS being hungover. But that's a story for another time. Besides that, I'm still doing the waterdance, trying to stay afloat. I keep getting people asking me how i'm doing? Then after that, they usually say, "you know if you ever need anything, ANYTHING, i'm here for you?" I always wanted to test that, and see if people really mean what they say, say what they mean - walk the talk, ya mean?...Well, you know Auntie, I'm not emotionally ready to go back to work right now. Do you think you could give me about three thousand to cover me until i'm ready to go back?...........that's what I thought...Well, as a matter of fact, a brotha is kind of feeling down and depressed, and you know, a little genuine female TLC, you know, some trim would help?............that's what i thought. So you can skip the pleasantries-you already know how i'm doing. I'm doing without!...Since I've been back to California, I haven't yet been back on stage. I'm not at all worried about that. I may not step back on stage until I've moved into my new place-part of that psychological, fresh start thing I was talking about earlier. I'm just trying to get myself up to speed, or at "that point" again. There are certain things I'm not sure I can face, or talk about on stage right now-though I'm positive I'll be able to, in enough time. Damn, I swear I don't know how people like Pryor, and Louie Anderson were able to do it. To get up on stage, and fight back emotion, and still make people laugh. I guess that is one important skill this young Padawan must learn to master. I think I'd much rather learn to mind trick people...so I can get my three grand, and my trim! :-o Uh oooh, that kid's starting to rebound!!...