HE'S A F***ING GINNEY!!!!

Once again, welcome to another edition of "The Life of Chris Reese: Laughter for the Gods." In our last episode, our hero had come into great danger, having his superpower of sensibility stripped, leaving him mindless, defenseless, and vulnerable to the malicious and coldhearted intentions of a golddigging hoe. As you may recall, this nearly catatonic state was brought upon our hero when, in apartment searching, his future roommate made mind blowing statements on the apartments they had seen, placing them both further into dire circumstances. Most notable of the comments made, was that a particular apartment was "luminescent insufficient." This statement of gay tendency should have garnered a bitch slap to the roommate by our hero on GP, but this action was granted temporary clemency - possibly due to the fact that this bad chess move would have made the smart pairing with a Jewish boy with good credit, null and void. But as our story continues,.. (DUN DUN DUN DUUUNNNNNNN)..." WE INTERRUPT THIS BROADCAST TO BRING YOU BREAKING INFORMATION INTO THE LIFE OF CHRISTOPHER MALCOLM REESE. WE UNDERSTAND THAT CHRIS REESE IS SPEAKING LIVE RIGHT NOW TO HIS AUDIENCE FROM HIS HOME SOMEWHERE IN CALIFORNIA, AND WE'RE JUST GOING TO SHIFT OUR FOCUS NOW AND TUNE INTO THIS LIVE SPEAKING ENGAGEMENT. SO LET'S LISTEN IN AS WE GO NOW, CHRIS REESE ADDRESSING HIS AUDIENCE...."....I was almost at that point where I wanted to say, "man, the hell with you Jew boy! Ain't no credit score worth all this!" Na, mean? I mean, we cool, and that's my boy and all but damn, we just trying to find an apartment. We not trying to eat this apartment, it ain't going in our stomach! We trying to sleep IN the apartment, not WITH the damn apartment! I mean you being all picky like you on the show "The Third Wheel". and you seriously trying to find a wife or something - too big, too small, bad vibes, not bright, doesn't glow. You gotta be kidding me! and, AAAAAAND, I almost lost it, when we found this tight ass place, I mean TIGHT 2 BD, 2 BA, spacious, balcony (even though it was on the ground) - and DIDN'T take it...and why didn't we take this place?! Because the place won't, under any circumstances, accept pets of any kind - and my roommate must, MUST, gotta have a guinea pig! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! WE 'BOUT TO LOSE THIS 2BD 2BA SPACIOUS ASS PLACE W/BALCONY EVEN THOUGH IT'S ON THE GROUND, BECAUSE OF A FUCKIN' GUINEA?!!!! SHHHH! HM! UH HM..yeah, okay, see what you betta do is, you betta just sneak the damn guinea in here, and don't say shit to nobody! - on some black shit for real now! Your insistence is causing a most unfortunate problem, and I SWEAR FO GOD, if we lose this place because of a guinea pig, WHATEVER we find, whenever i'm alone with the animal, I'M GONNA JACK UP YOUR GUINEA ON SOME GUINESS! WATCH HIM GET STOUT OFF THE STOUT FOR REAL, AND CROAK FROM THE B.A.C.!!! See if I'm playing! A damn guinea! Are you kidding me?!...however, we were able to finally come together and find a place, with barely anytime to spare, to say the least. And this whole process has been a pain in the ass, to say the least. It's hard enough trying to find a place in California, but to get two different people together with two different views? It's a miracle that we found something. I'm just happy that there were only two of us instead of three of four. I shudder to think where and what kind of condition I would be living in, if I had another roommate or two that was a budhist or a bushman from Australia. Now just make sure keep the cage for your guinea pig locked, roomie. Wouldn't want it to escape and have me ACCIDENTALLY mistake it for overgrown vermin potentially carrying the Hunta virus! :-) ...and where did we finally move to, you might ask? It's a cool little 2BD 1 BA in........."and as we return, what appears to be a statement by Chris Reese on some of the bullshit he has to put up with in order to make it in show business in California. Stay tuned as we'll have more up to the minute information on this, and other events in the life of Chris Reese. Right now, we're going to return to our regularly sheduled program already in progress.".....