How'm I doing?!!!!

First, I would like to take this opportunity, for me and my mom, to thank all persons who gave love, support, and prayers to us in our time of sorrow. I can't mention everyone by name, but you know who you are. As for myself, I'm not one much for talking to people about what's going on inside of me - guess i get that from my father. If I pen it here, then that's about as much talking about it that I plan to do. Second, today is Mother's Day, so to ANY mother out there that comes across this journal entry, sincere wishes for a Happy Mother's Day! Hope you had/are having a wonderful day. A mother, especially one who is still raising children, truly has a 24/7/365 job. I'm still not at that point where if I had kids, I wouldn't feel that the kids wouldn't be holding me back. And since I don't have money enough like rich white people to hire Consuela to be a nanny to my kids just yet, I'm still in a holding pattern on that one. So my hats off to all parents in general doing their job. Hey, I love your kids. But when they start crying or acting bad, I love them more when I can send them back to their parents. HAAAA!!..Anyway, like I said before, I'm looking for a job, as well as new place. I'm trying feverishly to get this done. It's almost as if there's some internal cleansing, fresh start that I must put in place, after all that's happened. Have not found an apartment yet, though I think the problem with that is that I chose to pick a Jewish white boy to roommate with. I don't know too much about the Jewish culture, but I do know that supposedly, some Jewish moms tend to be overbearing. I think that somehow translates into sons of Jewish mothers being extremely spoiled and picky. I'm a man. If I find something I like, I buy it, holla at it, or move on it. Nextel-done! So why do I feel, that this process of finding an apartment that we'll both like is going to take forever? Or at least, go down to the wire, where we'll run out of time, and have to accept a two compartmental card board box by Venice Beach for 2500 dollars a month. Why?! I'll tell you why! Because THIS place is five blocks too north of your target living area! Or THAT place wants the deposit in a money order instead of a check (btw, if i can't pay by online, i'm the money order king!) Or this place DOESN'T GET ENOUGH LIGHT??! WTF???! Son, I don't plan on getting attacked by vampires in the middle of the night!!! But if Kate Beckinsale knocks on the door, craving to suck on something with little bit more of a chocolate flavor, let her in! I got something for her! Work with me people! O well, the search continues. At least I got some potential material from my future roommate, watching him spew his guts out from being hungover on his birthday, while we were apartment searching last weekend. Too funny! Not funny BEING hungover. Funny watching OTHERS being hungover. But that's a story for another time. Besides that, I'm still doing the waterdance, trying to stay afloat. I keep getting people asking me how i'm doing? Then after that, they usually say, "you know if you ever need anything, ANYTHING, i'm here for you?" I always wanted to test that, and see if people really mean what they say, say what they mean - walk the talk, ya mean?...Well, you know Auntie, I'm not emotionally ready to go back to work right now. Do you think you could give me about three thousand to cover me until i'm ready to go back?...........that's what I thought...Well, as a matter of fact, a brotha is kind of feeling down and depressed, and you know, a little genuine female TLC, you know, some trim would help?............that's what i thought. So you can skip the pleasantries-you already know how i'm doing. I'm doing without!...Since I've been back to California, I haven't yet been back on stage. I'm not at all worried about that. I may not step back on stage until I've moved into my new place-part of that psychological, fresh start thing I was talking about earlier. I'm just trying to get myself up to speed, or at "that point" again. There are certain things I'm not sure I can face, or talk about on stage right now-though I'm positive I'll be able to, in enough time. Damn, I swear I don't know how people like Pryor, and Louie Anderson were able to do it. To get up on stage, and fight back emotion, and still make people laugh. I guess that is one important skill this young Padawan must learn to master. I think I'd much rather learn to mind trick people...so I can get my three grand, and my trim! :-o Uh oooh, that kid's starting to rebound!!...