It's not that serious!...

So I was at work yesterday, talking to one of the customers I delivered to, about the game(before Miami won). The guy is about late twenties, and he's either second or third generation American, of Indian ethnicity. I find it kind of funny how people can be soooo compassionate about certain things, when there's so much more important stuff going on in the world. Though I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. It's just a reflection of what the media pumps into the culture, thereby establishing what is priority and what is not. I mean, come on, we're not too far from seeing such headlines in the major paper: Front page? "Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's Baby Takes Dump In Diapers! Crapper's Handiwork to be Auctioned Off At Sotheby's!"... page 15? "North Korea Fires Nuke At America! Kiss Your Ass Goodbye!".....So, in the course of my brief conversation with the guy, he stated that he REALLY hoped that Dallas would win the game, because he really couldn't take it if Shaq won another championship. Hmm, okay. I wanted to know more, so I inquired some more, and gathered from him that Shaq had made comments that he really didn't like. I wasn't aware of these comments that Shaq made, so I inquired further. Apparently, he didn't like a comment that Shaq made to the extent that it didn't matter that he wasn't playing for the Lakers, because he was now playing for the greatest coach in NBA history. Welllllllll, I mean it IS Pat Riley, and he did coach and lead to the championships, what was arguably the best professional basketball team, with some of the greatest players to ever play the game, assembled on one team - and without a doubt, the best team in Laker history! I guess he didn't like that comment Shaq had made, maybe because it was a shot at Phil Jackson? I don't know. I just know that a lot of people would argue that Pat Riley is the greatest NBA coach ever. Then he said that he didn't like another comment that Shaq had made, which was something to the extent that he was glad he wasn't in L.A., because L.A. is fake, and it's full of a bunch of fake people! Wellllllllll,..... I mean L.A. IS fake, with a bunch of fake people, which makes it LAAAAAAAME!!. They should really call this city, the city of Lamegels! They should build a giant crutch under the Hollywood sign to show how lame it is! Give out walkers at the DMV when people go get their driver's licenses! That's how lame L.A. is. And since they say that the people in Los Angeles aren't really from Los Angeles, there shouldn't be anyone in Los Angeles reading this right now, getting upset! Not being a little bit too personal, am I?...I digress, but I couldn't understand for the life of me, why this was such a big deal to him. I mean, there's nothing wrong with having pride and spirit for your team and city and all, but it's not THAT serious. Really! I don't think win or lose, when Shaq is chillin' by the beach with his wife and family in Martinique, Corona in hand, miles from ordinary, he's going, "You know, I wish that dude Chris delivers groceries to, was here to...share this moment with me." Besides, the way I figure it, anyone black that becomes a success, should revel in as much of "their time" as possible - that includes Kobe, Shaq, Condolezza, Colin, Tiger, Barack, Jay-Z, and anybody else black that's getting theirs - 'cause I damn sure plan on getting my piece of the pie. Shit, it's just hard to get out of high school alive if you're black(the hood is not pretty), never mind becoming some kind of force in entertainment, politics, religion, etc...Besides, I hear Shaq is a police officer now. He needs to be able to enjoy all his moments and successes as a NBA player, 'cause he ain't gon' be worth a damn as a police officer. You think Shaq could be counted on to take out criminals? All they would have to do is put a basketball hoop on their back, and I GAR-RON-TEE, Shaq would miss them too! Just be happy for black people, 'cause when it comes down to it, it IS just a game! Or it IS just entertainment. There are WAAAAAAY more important things everyone should be worrrying about. Though, if I thought it would help to put ends in my pocket, I would bitch about the fact that 50 cent is the most overrated rapper there ever was! But you know what? It's not that serious. Or I could bitch about the fact that ever since American Idol has been on television, there's has ALWAYS been a black singer that was better than the winner, when that winner wasn't black. But you know what? It's not that serious. Or, ORRR, I could bitch about the fact that Toni Braxton was supposed to be MY baby's mama! Me, her, WEEEE, were supposed to being doing the damn thing. But you know what?........Hey, the way I see it, Toni just made the decision that much easier to allow Alicia Keyes to be my new baby's mama! Now how you like them bag of apples Toni?!

Father's Day - June 18, 2006

So over the past week, I been thinking that when I woke up this morning, how I would feel on this special day for fathers. Did I spend last week dreading seeing this day come? Not really. Just didn't know how I would feel. I actually thought I would be working today, which for part of the day, would have kept my mind off this particular day. But since I found out that I didn't have to work today(a nice surprise actually), it gave me more time to think about how I'm feeling. And I'm okay about TODAY (father' day). Thus far today, I been enjoying what I'm not usually able to do on Sunday mornings, which is not a damn thing! After learning I didn't have to work, I put on some of my 80's music (love 80's music), messed around on the computer a little, played a little Turok on my XBox, ate some cereal and juice for breakfast, and talked to my best friend and mother...but not too long ago, actually minutes before i started this post, I called my grandfather (at my mother's request) and wished him a Happy Father's Day - and I guess that's sort of where I feel awkward on this day. I can talk to my grandfather, but I can't talk to MY father. There's something, if at the very least, just weird about that. In the natural order of life, things are just not supposed to be that way. Don't get it wrong, I do not wish my grandfather wasn't alive, I'm just not use to not being able to pick up the phone on today(or any other day for that matter), and talk to my father. Though I'm fully aware and pretty much handling the situation reasonably well, I'm still not fully adjusted to that reality, or stated another way, the ability to permanently suspend my disbelief of this situation...I talked to a boy of mine's back home in D.C. last week, he actually designed this site(leethepoet.com...shameless plug, i know), and I told him that now, whenever I go home, I feel weird, and it's just not the same. D.C. will always, ALWAYS, be my home, and I will ALWAYS put it down for D.C., but I'm just not that excited like I used to be about going home anymore, because it's too much looking backwards, which I have to do, because I've lost too many people. I lost my best friend in 95, my brother in 2000, my grandmother a couple years ago, and my father this year. If that ain't the end of the road, for me, it's damn near. I still have lots of family and friends back home that it's always cool to see, and catch up with when I'm in town. But as I see it, sometimes you can best love people when you're miles away - it works well for me in this situation(one of my dreams it to make it big, so I that I can occasionally fly all my family and friends out here - not to show off or anything, but just to have that connection with family and friends in a different type of life that had come adjusted to moving forward). I'm moving forward, when I'm somewhat disconnected from home, trying to do my thing out here (I actually performed this past Friday for the first time since I've been back in Los Angeles - did pretty good, felt pretty good; just had to ride the storm out back to performing). I'm not sure if my boy I was talking to, got what I was getting at - I think he did, he's of a smart breed, we all went to H.U. But I'm not sure if others (the only kind that count) will really get me on this. When I was back home in D.C. this past March/April, I saw my cousin and her fiance. Scheduled to get married this August, I told them that I might be back home for the wedding. I'm sure that kind of threw them - maybe even hurt them a little for me to say "maybe." It's just that at the time, I wasn't looking forward to coming back home so soon - I mean, we all know how fast the summer goes. Of course though, I realize I have to go home for my cousin's wedding. Never mind the fact that I'm supposed to MC the wedding, but we're family that grew up together, separated in age by one month and one day, she the older. And I was always cool with him back from our Safeway days. Hell, he's already in the family, they just making it legal now. Plus, I'M the reason that all this wedding is taking place anyway(that's a story for another time), so it only makes it kind of logicial that I SHOULD be there. Hey, the way I figure it, black wedding? back in good ol' violent ass Dodge City? in August heat? Should be kind of like, Best Man meets Black Hawk Down meets Do The Right Thing, with a reception...and that should be enough good times, priceless, and Kodak moments for me to forget about my troubles for this go round at least....

p.s. HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to all the fathers out there doing they J-O-B!!

Impressive!......MOST IMPRESSIVE!!

Okay, so let's just say that I find my current job situation undesirable. "Hey, what's new?" you say - "a black man can't ever be satisfied. You should be happy that you even have a damn job." I guess I would have to concur with my fellow faith based, God fearing, thankful folk sending me those mental vibes of advice right now. For those of you that don't know, I work for a company whose business is online grocery delivery, and my job is just that - if you order groceries, I'm showing up to deliver them to your house. The geographic area in which I work is in the west valley of Southern California, which covers cities of mostly middle class, to areas of people that are a little bit more affluent. And lastly, I deliver to areas of people that are living beyond a bit more affluent to living just fucking RIDICULOUS!!! Don't make no sense ridiculous. And if you're not exactly sure what ridiculous is, let me help you - ridiculous is when the living quarters of the pets of these people is bigger than YOUR damn house!! Sure, I'll give you a second while you TRY to fathom and digest that pill...done? let's continue... So, anybody familiar with the cities of Calabassas and Topanga KNOWS what I'm talking about. You might be wondering or asking yourself right now if I'm finding my present job situation undesirable, because as working class, I have contempt for the privileged I service. How I worded that may have flown over some, so let me break that down in that rawest essence. You might be thinking that I hate my job, 'cause I'm a broke ass black man, delivering to rich ass white people I can't stand! Capiche? And my answer to that is, yes - but not as much as you may think. My only problem with delivering to SOME rich people, is that SOME of the rich people I deliver to, can be just a little bit presumptuous, for lack of a better word, of my standing or place in society versus theirs. I just don't want no one to get it twisted. This ain't Hattie McDaniel here! I don't come or go with no wind! I'm from S.E. D.C. You cool with me, I'm cool with you. But disrespect, and I'll burn Tara down!! You feel me! But I digress. As I said, those are some. Actually MOST are cool. But combine that little percentage of people that arent cool, with the feeling of being underappreciated and underpaid at your job, and you get the idea of where I presently stand at my job. So why am I at this job you ask? Good question. My answer is two fold, and let me first say that I am presently looking to leave my current job. Now, first answer to the question is because it's better than the last job I had, which was driving a city bus, with "city" people (for lack of a better word), with a less forgiving work schedule, than the one I have now. So when I was offered my present job, where I would have more flexibility, I jumped on it. Now, the second answer to that question is REALLY difficult to explain to people that aren't trying to be in the industry, but I will try my best to provide that answer. In a nutshell, because for what I am trying to do, I HAVE to make sacrifices. I have a undergrad, and a grad degree. People who know me, know this, but I have been chastised, I guess you could say, by a couple of my friends, who know this and feel that I choose to be in the position I'm in (financially), because I have those two degrees, and I'm not putting them to use. My answer to that is, true and not true. Yes, I choose to be in the position I am in. And like I said before, it is a MUST to make sacrifices in order get where I'm going. I choose not to get a "serious" job, because I don't want to become complacent and lose focus. I don't want a "serious" job that expects me to devote more time to them after five or six p.m. Once I leave the job, it's MY time, to focus on my REAL career goals and ambitions. Also, that money spent on obtaining those two degrees, is NOT being wasted. I do have plans on using that knowledge that I paid for - on myself, not for any particular company. Those plans will reveal themselves in due time. I pretty much went to school to get the education for myself. One of my boys has the hardest time grasping that concept -that I spent money to go to school to get the knowledge for myself, and not to use the degrees to get a "nice, cushy" job. I'm just not the kind of person who will be able to allow himself to work for someone for the rest of his life. Sooo, this all explains why I'm at a job, that's not doing anything for me. At least, that's what I had even thought myself, until I received God's caveat a couple days ago. You see, sometimes we get caught up with what's directly in front of us on the road, that we misinterpret the true intentions of what God's trying to show us further down the road. This job, as every other job in the past, has not been a failure, but a learning opportunity - and I JUST got the point of this job the other day. For the absolute first time since I've had this job, I've delivered to a black family of EXTREME obvious wealth - for the FIRST time! This family lives in the same gated community where I have been told by security that a certain famous comedian, and a certain famous singer/songwriter lives as well. Now I'll just say right now, that this family I delivered to, I have no idea how they obtained their wealth. What I do know is that their "estate" was impressive if not jaw dropping. Not only did they live in this gated, wealthy community, but they also had one of the best houses in the community - their house on a hill, giving them a commanding view of much of the community. They had one of those houses where there's a gate at the entrance to their estate, and you have to be buzzed in. And then once you're buzzed in, you drive up a long driveway until you pop up into the courtyard/parking area of their house. I remember seeing at least four or five vehicles, all were black, two of them as I recall were an H2 and a mercedes. They were a young(i'm guessing late twenties, early thirties) couple, good looking, with a beautiful daughter for family... and they were BLACK!! I guess you could say I wanted to know "who" they were, "how" they were, but I found myself speechless. I can't help but think, that when I left, the Mrs. may have thought I was kind of rude, because I don't recall myself being very conversational-just doing what I came for. I guess I didn't trust myself enough to not say something stupid like, "Woww, I know y'all couldn't have sold crack to be able to afford this place!"... again, I don't know the "how" about them. I don't care, or even need to know, but when I left their house, I finally got it. I got it. I got the reason for this particular job. It is so that I can remember my humble beginnings, and remember where I came from and the sacrifices I made, because it IS possible to obtain whatever I go after...and it's not the same as if I delivered to Beyonce Knowles' house. Because most times, there's an automatic disconnect. People tend to think, that rich celebrities are rich and famous, because it was destiny, or just meant to be (which, though I admit, in this business has to do with a lot of luck, but ALSO hard work - so that is a self defeative way of thinking). Because this family was no one famous(or related to anyone famous from what I could discern), that puts them in the same boat as me. As John Legend would say, just ordinary people...and ordinary people CAN make extraordinary things happen. And for that, I will always remember and be thankful for the Lewis family for their inspiration to me...