(Bitter)Sweet November

Okay, so it's November, and the year is almost over. Can you believe it. Years fly by when you're a grown-up. When you were a kid, a week till Christmas was forever. But now that you're a grown-up, time is measured in a different way. If you're anything like me, time is internalized by paycheck to paycheck. You know that for every second paycheck you get(or every fourth, depending on how you get paid), you know that's a month right there. And it's always about getting to the next payday...anyway, since the year is almost over, it seems appropriate, at least for me, to look back over the year that is almost gone, and reflect - to take some of those personal experiences and more or less, see what life has presented you in those ALMOST 365 days...I happen to be an aficionado of contemporary movies. I don't care what genre, as long as the story and production are good, I'm into it-even if it's a romance movie. Hey, I'm a film production major. We live for the story. Anyway, one of my favorite movies happens to be Sweet November starring Keanu Reeves and Charlize Theron in one of films before she officially "blew up." It's not the typical romance movie, like Titanic or Love Jones. It's quirky, I guess you could say, so it fits me and my personality. If you like romance or just like a good story, I highly recommend it. Without saying much about the story, it's about realizing the important things in life... Of course, anyone knowing me, it comes as no surprise that I lost my father this year. Losing my father has been without a doubt the biggest and most regrettable experience this year. Sweet November was bittersweet, and though the death of my father was the hard crunchy bittersweet outer shell of life, there have been a few days of my life this year that have presented themselves as the small sweet inside filling of that bitter crunchy outer shell. So I have decided to call this blog Bittersweet November...I have thought about my father many times since losing him in March. And of course there have been times where I just wanted to pick up the phone and call to talk to my father. To me one of the worst parts of losing someone is that you can still hear their voice clearly in your head, feeling almost like you just talked to them a couple days ago - and it stays there I guess forever. I guess that would be obvious since people are there your whole life until...I guess someone's voice just becomes more distant over time, given I think of other people who are now gone, and I think of them on occasion. Not so with my father...Sometimes I think about what I'm supposed to take from this experience of losing my father. There are lots of times where I can be cynical and say to myself that it was my turn. They say into every life, a little rain must fall. People die everyday, and it was just my turn. Why not me? Call me cynical, but call me a realist... Still I feel that my father got shorted. There are so many men and people in general that will never live their lives as honorable and upstanding I felt my father lived. When he left, the world didn't know this honorable man. As I write this, we lost two black men this week - Ed Bradley, and Gerald Levert. The world will remember who they were and mark this occasion if even only for a week or a day. However, as far as I'm concerned, because I am alive and as long as I am alive, the world too, will know who my father was. They will know his strength through me. They will see the result of his sacrifices through me. Though my father will not be alive to see, I owe it to my father to take my life as far as I possibly can. In my mind, I share with him the success I intend to have, with whatever hopes and dreams he had for himself, never mind me...On the last album he did(The Black Album), Jay-Z has a track where he pays homage to his mother. On the track he states, "Ma, you made the album. How crazy is that?" To that extent, the same could be said of my father - he already made the album, I just have to make the track...November has gotten me to look back at a bitter pill that I have had to swallow this year. Nevertheless, I would be remiss to not acknowledge and give thanks to God for the things that came together for me this year, and as the year closes out. My giving thanks is for new place that I was able to move into this year...for a new job that I got...for passing my kyu exam... for the continued breath of life...for making strides out here in California...for.......